Diddy-Dirty Money ft. Drake - Loving You No More

My Chemo Called "DOXIL"

So I thought I'd let you blog readers see a little of what I have to go through during this time of treatment. As I was doing some research on the medication I'm getting, a lot of things began to sink in.  I was told that This medication may cause certain severe blood disorders (bone marrow suppression leading to low red blood cells/white blood cells /platelets). This can also lower your body's ability to fight infections.

Doxil Side Effects:

Body aches/pains, headache, nausea, vomiting, constipation, diarrhea, stomach upset, and loss of appetite may occur. Nausea and vomiting can be severe. In some cases, drug therapy may be needed to prevent or relieve nausea and vomiting. Not eating before your treatment may help relieve vomiting. Changes in diet and lifestyle, such as eating several small meals and limiting activity, may help lessen some of these effectsd stop bleeding. May cause heart problems, including possibly fatal heart failure.
    Treatment with this drug may sometimes cause hands/feet to develop a skin reaction called hand-foot syndrome (palmar-plantar erythrodysesthesia).
  May experience swelling, pain, redness, dryness, peeling, blisters, or tingling/burning of the hands/feet. The symptoms can be made worse by heat/pressure on your hands/feet. Avoid prolonged sun exposure, tanning booths, and sunlamps, as well as unnecessary exposure to heat (e.g., hot dishwater, long hot baths). Avoid pressure on elbows, knees, and soles of feet (e.g., leaning on elbows, kneeling, long walks). I have to wear loose clothing and depending on how severe hand-foot syndrome is, the doctor may give something to reduce the symptoms, or decrease or delay next does of chemo.
Temporary hair loss may occur. Normal hair growth should return several months after treatment has ended.

YES!!!! So next time you would like to complain about your day, just think of what other people have to go trough in life. You may just not have it as bad as you thought.

O. M. "EFFING" G.

I am about to seriously lose it in a minute. My peak point is approaching and I can just feel myself about to blow the ""F" up. WHY????? you MUST be asking right? WELLLLL!!!!! not only do I just sit on my ass all day at home, with nothing in the world to do but lose my damn mind, but now I'm told that because of this piece if crap-like fluid that they pump through my body once a month called CHEMO is the reason I can NO LONGER go to the gym. I'M SAYING!!!! How do doctors really expect me to utilize my time??? Sitting on my ass at home and getting fat is SOOO0OOO motivating to me. GOSH!! What a lovely mental plan these people come up with. SHIT, my grandma was trying to convince me just the other day that i shouldn't be bowling either. I promise, I have such a positive mind set and I try to bring out the good in any situation i am in, but I'm running out of options here. Going to the gym was a way for me to escape this reality of a life I'm living right now. It made me feel good.  But now i am being told that I cant make any repeated movements, such as cutting up fruit. WHO DOES THAT??!!! ERRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!! "Well what would happen if you do these things anyway, Eboney?'  I'm as hard headed as they come, so of course I had to ask..you know what I was told? "NO GYM, DEFINITELY NO SAUNA. THE HEAT WILL INCREASE THE EFFECTS OF THE DOXIL (my chemo). JUST TAKE IT EASY. LET YOUR BODY BUILD ENERGY TO FIGHT THIS CANCER"  (moment of silence)............................................................
UGH!!!! I'm soooo sick of all the fucking rules already. I just want to be normal again. Do normal things. Live a normal life. HAVE NORMAL HEALTH SO I CAN GO TO A NORMAL FREAKING GYM. Can you believe that I cant even take a normal hot shower or bath?? yup. The heat will redirect the chemo medicine  from where its originally suppose to go......And I know that all of these precautions are for my health and in killing the cancer, But unless any of you readers out there have gone through anything similar, you have NO idea how irritating things are for me right now. AND ON THAT NOTE.....................

1st oF thE mOnth

I hate days like these. Its so nice outside, yet I feel so ugly inside. I walk around the house without a thing in the world to do. Yes I'm sure I can come up with SOMETHING to do. But all options don't seem worth getting up for. I just feel hella lost. The phone calls have seemed to slow down. No one really calls to check on me anymore (besides the ones who were REALLY checking on me from jump). But I figured that would happen. If my phone rings and its a "friend", they only A: need to vent or ask me advice about some unhealthy drama relationship (like they really have something to complain about in life) B: Asking me if I want to go out. Which in a small way that can just be them trying to help by getting me out of the house. But when I pass on the offer the convo is cut short. or C: asking if I would like to hit up a party or happy hour. which in an other case I wouldn't mind, But with this chemo I've been taking, I have no urge to drink. And being around a bunch of drunks is the last thing I want to do.