Cancer sucks

As a cancer patient, I always use to tell people that God allowed me to get diagnosed with cancer due to the fact that I have a voice, and that one day, a person will go through the same obstacles as i am now dealing with in life, and need to hear my words of comfort. A few months ago, I had gotten a friend request on facebook from a complete stranger who admires my braveness and ability to continue on living a fearless life as a person who is struggling with stage four ovarian cancer. We would talk about things like, how i remain positive throughout this disease of mine and how i found out. I always look at life and the people that i come across, as a meaning of purpose. I believe that certain people enter your life for specific reasons, and although i may not pin point those exact reasons most of the time, I like to take lessons and learned from my friendships with people. This man that I had met and conversed with was hospitalised a few weeks ago, due to pain in his hip. Come to find out, he has just been diagnosed with stage four lymphoma and it has spread to his bone marrow. Who would have thought? I find it an honor to be a person of comfort to this man during his time of struggle, for I did not have a friend who could relate to cancer with me at my time of being diagnosed. So with all of this being said, Don't take people for granted. You never really know your true purpose in their life and how much of an effect you can be on them.

The Cancer Centers Of America

I know it has been a while since I've posted any blogs, but that's only because I haven't been doing much but chemo lately and so there hasn't been any new updates to talk about. As some of you may have already known, I did an interview with the Vacavill newspaper which made front page. It was pretty cool I guess. i have also been looking into gathering information about becoming a motivational speaker. There are a lot of people who admire my braveness and positive attitude, so I believe it is a calling of mine to share my story with others. We get so caught up in all of the negative aspects of life, that we tend to complain about things on our end of living, that we don't stop to think about how good we have it compared to the next person or even in other countries. Not even that, but we need to learn how to become more grateful for all little things we have.

       I received a call yesterday from the cancer centers of America, and my insurance approved me to be seen in Oklahoma. They will be paying for my air fair, hotel and food, as well as for another person that I choose to have come with me. I'll be leaving a week from now and staying about five days. I think this is such good opportunity for me, but at the same time, I start school that same week, so I'm pushing it real close. My grandmother says that I can always go back to school and to just focus on my health right now, which is all understandable, but I just want to continue with my life right now and not have cancer be a crutch for me. I feel like my life is being put on pause at the moment and i don't like the feeling of that. One of my aunts made a comment to me this past holiday at a dinner we were having. Although she was a bit tipsy, she stated that I care for and spend more time with my friends than I do family. I cannot disagree more, but for all good reason. If my family is reading this blog, then honestly I would be a bit surprised. I don't express my feelings much to ANYONE. There are only certain people I chose to be open with. Growing up, my mother was murdered when I was three. Her boyfriend killed her and my father was never around. I was told that my grandmother barley wanted to take my brother and I inn because she just got done raising eight kids of her own. So I already felt a bit "unwanted" in a way. On top of that I just felt so lost. I didn't have a mother, father, nor did I have any contact with my mom's side of the family. Then when my mother died we got separated from my younger brother because we had different dads, and he got to live with his. Growing up, I just felt out of place with my family. Disconnected. I felt as if I could be in the same room as them and never be noticed. I was more shy and soft spoken back then, but not now, lol. So ANYWAYS, My friends were here for me a lot more than my family has been the majority of my life. They showed me more love then what I felt my family did. When I had no where to go and no money in my pockets, my friends were the ones who picked me up and helped me out. My REAL friends never gave up on me. So its not that I care or love my friends more than my family, they just understand me on a completely different level. But never misunderstand what I say, I LOVE MY FAMILY!!!!  So now, I ask that I continue to stay in every ones prayers as I will do the same for all of you. UNTIL NEXT TIME...........................

LIFE IS TOO SHORT.......

Ive been having this crazy sharp cramp lately. seems like every time it comes, i have to stop everything I'm doing until it passes. Well any who. I have a lot on my mind, Since the whole "peritoneal cancer" thing, i cant help but to think of all the places I would love to go and the things I wish I should have done. Not saying that I'm going to die tomorrow or anything, but when you are faced with the possibility of death in life, you start to analyze things a lot differently. I have this guy friend, and he has pretty much been there, right by my side, throughout the whole "cancer" thing. Any feelings that I may have had in the past towards any man, is 10 times more for this friend of mine. To be in the state that I am in, makes me vulnerable. I mean every women has her insecurity's, but to have this friend of mine accept me with NO HAIR and low heath, WANTING to be there rather than feeling the need in HAVING to be there just means so much to me. I don't think words could even describe that feeling. So in my eyes, having death be so close of an option, I don't want to waste the rest of  my life regretting words or not acting upon actions. I have always lived my life on a short leash. Cautious of the moves I make, Picking, choosing and eliminating who I want to be involved in my life, Not taking enough risks or chances in fear of getting hurt by someone. But that is all of what living is. If you don't take the chance, how will you ever know?  It is easy to regret things that you have done, but harder to regret things that you HAVEN'T. So my good word to all you readers is: LIFE IS NEVER PROMISED TO US. LIVE IT AS IF TODAY IS YOUR LAST. NOT IN A "PARTY ALL NIGHT" TYPE OF WAY, BUT IN A "FEARLESS" "POSITIVE MANNER. DON'T JUST SIT AROUND TALKING ABOUT WHAT IT IS THAT YOU "WANT" TO DO....DO IT! FEELINGS THAT YOU MAY HAVE FOR SOMEONE, TELL THEM! YOU JUST NEVER KNOW. LIFE IS TRULY TOO SHORT.......

WHAT!!!!!!!!!

If diagnosed at an early stage, than there are chances of survival, depending upon on how advanced the cancer is at the time of the diagnosis. Treatment with radiation or chemotherapy and early diagnosis can be of great help. In fact, these treatments can help a patient to survive for a long time. It is often true that if the cancer is found early and treated aggressively, almost half of the patients whose cancer is found early reach the two-year mark and about 20% survive five years. For peritoneal mesothelioma, patients are often informed that they won't be able to live for more than one year. But peritoneal mesothelioma specialists, working in leading cancer centers throughout the world, often report better statistics than this, based upon the clinical trials that they are carrying out.

Ovarian Cancer? NO! Peritoneal Cancer? Im thinking YES!!!!

My doctor is not convinced that I have ovarian cancer. After telling me He's thinking its Peritoneal Cancer, I googled it and found that its called "the Silent & Unknown Killer". WOW, REALLY?!!

A Rare Disease, Cancer of the Peritoneum Can Be Deadly

Hidden in the lining of your abdomen could be a cancer waiting to happen. Few people are even aware of the peritoneum, a membrane that surrounds the abdominal organs. Most people are unaware that inside the abdomen is a thin wall of cells that protects the organs inside by producing a fluid that lubricates them as they move about inside the body. This is called the peritoneum. Peritoneal cancer is a rare disease that sneaks up and hangs around unnoticed by most people until it is a well-developed cancer, when the symptoms begin to show up.  There is no known cause, although a history of breast cancer in the family may be a warning sign. It is rare in young people and even more rare in men.

Symptoms

Peritoneal cancer rarely shows any symptoms until the late stages, and even then they are rather ill-defined. They mimic ovarian cancer, although the ovaries are seldom overly affected by the cancer.

Treatment

An oncologist must determine the stage of the cancer - whether it is confined to the peritoneal layer or if it has metastasized. If it has spread, the extent of the cancer will be determined and appropriate treatments discussed.   Surgery must be performed to remove the tumor and any affected organs; these may include the liver, uterus, ovaries and/or the omentum (a layer of fatty tissue underneath the muscles of the stomach). The lungs and all lymph nodes should be tested, also (MIND YOU, THAT IS WHERE I FOUND MY LUMP)  Chemotherapy usually follows surgery to kill any remaining cancer cells, but in dealing with peritoneal cancer it is often used before the surgery, too. This is because the cancer can be so far-reaching that the surgeon sometimes will try to shrink the cancerous mass before removal.   Radiotherapy, the use of high-energy radiation, may be used to rid the body of cancer cells or reduce the tumor. This can be done from an external beam on the outside of the body, or internal radiation may be used.  If the cancer has spread to too many organs and there is no chance of recovery, or if the patient decides not to undergo further treatment, palliative care is used.

Remission

If the cancer has gone into remission, the patient should be tested approximately every three months for the first 2-3 years; after that the testing should be done at least twice a year. Peritoneal cancer has a high recurrence rate and the cancer patient may have to undergo repeated surgeries and bouts of chemotherapy.

UGHHHH!!!!!!!! WHY MEEEEE???!!!!

                                                  (THIS IS WHAT'S INSIDE ME, YUCK!)

Just when all seems well, life slaps you in the face.

Ive came to my blog page many of times, with blank thoughts of words to share. Last i had posted anything was back when i started my new chemo and i was sharing my feelings upon it. Since then, there hasn't been much to say. Everything has seemed to be going well with my new drug. The day before thanksgiving was my second cycle. But today i got a phone call discussing my lab results.You see, the day before every chemo cycle I have to take blood work to show how my blood count is doing. I originally started out with my white blood cell count being 12 times more than what it SHOULD be. then it went down a little, then back up. Me being on a higher med form should no dought, be very effective on my Cancer by now. but its not. So now I am back to that first day i was told "EBONEY, YOU HAVE CANCER!". My doctor is now recommending me to take a PAT scan rather than a CT scan (a type of x-ray). and if my cancer is continuing not to go down, we have to stop all chemo and i have to get another biopsy surgery performed to see what type of cancer this really is that we are working with. When all seems just dandy in the neighborhood, along comes a bird that shits the biggest dropping on your life. Here i am, stressing off of getting all of my classes ready for school, planning a future for myself, and all along the thought of everything, I lose sight on the reality that I'm not even sure WHERE my life is going at this moment and time in life. Oh how the Lord is testing my faith.

Diddy-Dirty Money ft. Drake - Loving You No More