Utilizing My Time...

Fresh home from the gym. With all the meds I've been taking for chemo, I've been gaining a lot of weight. I look at pictures from before I've started and recent. NOT a goo look. My whole life i have been a little thing. Very insecure about my size. But what girl isn't? ANY WHO!!! I hate when people acknowledge the pounds Ive put on. like helloooo,  I do own a mirror people!! . UGH!!! So the doctor called me today. I start new chemo this week and because its stronger, they will be giving me less meds rather then me spending 70 bucks EVERY three weeks on the little sh!ts..And I'm suppose to have less side effects. I really don't feel too bad during or after chemo. Well that all depends on what you consider "bad". I take these pills that control the nausea feeling I'm suppose to have. The best way to explain the feeling of chemo is like having a week long hangover. you know that crappy feeling that just makes you want to stay in the bed and recover?? then just add some constipation to it and that's chemo for you. After that one week is over your back to normal. Oh yeah, that week after chemo, your immune system is really weak so your more prone to get sick, so you have to stay away from big crowds of people and babies. If you get a temp of 102 or higher you have to go to ER right away. i cant say that i have been obeying all rules that come with "cancer & chemo" but I've been blessed so far. I don't like to feel the need to change anything I do on a daily basis because I don't like the feeling of cancer taking over my life. I want to take over cancer.I'm still a normal person. don't get me wrong, I Cherish my health, and it sucks to say that a lot of us take that for granted. A big thing I think about a lot is the thought of not being able to have children. And it kills me when people say "You can adopt" or "Your health is more important. don't worry about that". We are only humans living in the present trying to get to our futures. And eliminating the thought of having a family in my future is like ripping a chapter of my life out. Yes i CAN adopt, but its just not the same. regardless of what ANYBODY says. i feel like i am damaged goods at times. Its like taking a mans penis away from him...what good is he then??? lol. BUT!!!!!!! I am a strong believer of the powerful man above, and ANYTHING is possible through the faith in him. Hmmmm....Lets see, Anything else??? (you guys are good if your still reading this..love you lots). I'm gonna' go ahead and start a new topic on a new blog to keep things fresh. MOVING ON!!