Is iT reAlly HalLoweEen?

*cracking knuckles* I remember last year, I was out  about, partying my ass off & throwing shots back, ready to get white boy wasted. This year??sitting on my ass drinking a red bull. HAHA!! Who would have thought? But its not such a bad thing. I CHOOSE to stay inn and be a homebody. The whole week before starting chemo, I made it a point to party every night & live it up. Not knowing what to expect from this whole experience. I had a plan. People would tell me that I would get so sick, to the point where I wouldn't want to eat anything & lose weight. With me wanting to shed pounds at that time ANYWAY, I didn't mind. lol. but the opposite happened. I DIDN'T get sick & I DIDN'T lose weight. They put me on a bunch of meds, including steroids, that made me crave the darnest things. Even without "wanting" food, It still made my face fatter then a fat mans. No biggy!!! that just gave me more drive to get my butt into the gym considering I'm on disability & just siting on my butt @ home anyways. BUT NOOOOO!!!! As soon as I'm on a role, getting my workout on, I'm told I have to put  the gym on hold untill I get my white blood count checked. THE HORROR!! So I tell you people, DO NOT take your health for granted. I mean the simplest things that you do on a normal (like going to the gym to work out) can be the things you can no longer partake in. I guess all of this is a wake up call for me in a way. I no longer drink like I use too (not that I was an alcoholic or anything) & i am a more healthy eater as well. I appreciate the good people in my life & hope that my story  I share with you guys can maybe be a testimony for someone who i may run into later in life. People always tell me how positive I am & they have so much respect for me for the way I'm handling this. But its because I feel it in my soul that I will be okay. That first day I was told I have cancer, I started BALLING in front of the doctor & two family members. Anyone who knows me will tell you how much of a "HARD ASS" I am. I don't like to show much emotion in front of people. But that day...I tried SOOO hard to hold it in. I had the biggest knot in my chest & was holding my breath. Thinking about random things to take my mind off of what this doctor just told me. I went home & just sat in the bathroom, towel held to my face, CRYING like everything was just tookin from me. I kept telling myself "No! I do NOT have cancer? This is NOT real". But I never said "God, why me?" I was taught to say "God, Use me" instead. So that night as everything began to really soak in that this is REAL, my attitude completely changed. I then told myself that I have way too much to live for to just be thinking that my life is over. Everything that I have been through in life cant be for nothing. It is DEFINITELY not my time to go. Shoot!! I still have to find the man of my dreams, get married & build a family. I still have a whole new chapter of life just WAITING for me. So this cancer just cant be the end of me. AND SOOOO there goes a little more about me you may not have known *THEEEE END*